I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
