it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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