She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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