You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
