we have officially lost it.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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