Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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