M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
