Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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