Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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