so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
