Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
