So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
