you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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