Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize