we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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