Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
