But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
