Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
