WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhhâ€
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