i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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