today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
