I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
