well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
