The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize