the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
