then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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