His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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