Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
