I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
