Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
