i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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