My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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