i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
