We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
