you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
