Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
