look no pants
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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