That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm really busy with my period
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