Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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