She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
