Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
