I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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