As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
