just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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