When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
