she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
