i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
