you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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