I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
