you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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