Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
you made out with another girl for some wings
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
