I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
