There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize