bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
