Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just tell him i said nine months
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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