Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
