He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
