I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
