I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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