I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
