he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
