I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
