she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
