WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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