my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
