then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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