I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
