As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
