nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
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