12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
