Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
