please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
