apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
