You're my little dorito
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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