guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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