I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
