And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
