Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
