My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
