haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
