Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
