Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
