im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't deserve a penis
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
