I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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