Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
