Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
