im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
