Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
