so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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