You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
