dude i'm inner monologue high
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
