Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
