I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
